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curlywolf
quebec, Quebec Canada
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| | THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR
Posted: Jul 27, 2008, 9:47 AM MST |
AT THE TATTOO PARLOR
* "Eagle? I thought you said BEAGLE."
* "We're all out of red, so I used pink."
* "There are 2 Os in Bob, right?"
* "Sorry, sir, your chest will only hold the bottle dinghy."
* "That call was for you. Hope you meet someone else named Tahiti Sweetie."
* "Gosh, I hate it when I get the hiccups."
* "Anything else you want to say? You've got plenty of room back here."
* "I'll bet you can't tell I've never done this before."
* "The flag's all done and you know, the folds of fat make a nice waving effect."
* Oops....
Top 53 Things You Don't Want to Hear on The Operating Table
Look Ma, no hands!
OK – all sewn up...HEY! Where did my cup of coffee go?
Check it out! Isn’t this 100 times cooler than using juggling balls?
Wait...I just finished, and...you’re telling me this WASN’T a vasectomy???
(sings) The left vein’s connected to the...right aorta...the left brain’s connected to the..stomach bone...
Don’t worry, I’ll remember how to do it...OK...think back to that episode of ER...
Thank god for malpractice insurance!
I know you forgot about Valentine's Day, but what is that guy gonna do without his heart?
Doesn’t this remind you of the time we played that game of Operation?
Doesn’t this remind you of the time we played that game of Twister?
Hey! Give that back! There’s no law against drinking in the operating room...
IT’S ALIVE!!!!!!!!
Doctor Hannibal Lecter, please come to the operating room, Doctor Hannibal Lecter...
Well, on the bright side, I just saved money on my car insurance...
Ah well, you win some, you lose some...
Organ fight!
What’s that big beating thing in his chest?
What were you THINKING!?!?!?!?!? Oh well, at least he won't die a virgin...
“So Bob, did you hear the news this morning?” “Yeah, something about the sale prices on fresh organs going up...”
Down...set...hut!
Oh, don't look so down...after all...in every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. You find the fun, and...SNAP! The job's a game...
SHIT!!! OK...nobody panic, we can fix this easily, we'll just need a slight change of plans. OK...I'll call Vinnie; John, you hide the body in the waste bin...
This’ll be a snap! Ah plastic surgery...just like the good old days...playing with Mr. Potato Head...
OOOH – wouldn’t this be a great setting for a porno movie?
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!?!?!?!?!?
Heehee – that was a good one. Here try this...just give his brain a poke...riiight...there...
Hot potato, hot potato...
And now presenting: "Trading Spaces: Hospital edition!"
You can't mop the floor with that thing!!!!!
This is just like learning how to ride a bicycle...WHOA!!! I guess I still need training wheels..
Don’t worry, you won’t feel a thing. HAHAHA...I really get a kick outta saying that...
I’ve seen his bank balance, and my recommended treatment is euthanasia.
This is gonna be easy! After all, I did graduate top of my class in veterinary college...
Look on the bright side, at least his wife won’t have to worry about getting pregnant...
Doesn’t this remind you of that scene from Family Guy?
Alright, this is our first operation, we should set up some kinda system. Hmmm...I'm thinking we have a sort of good cop, bad cop thing going on...
OK everybody, it's time for... "Triple Bypass Surgery: The Musical!!!"
My diagnosis is: SEXY!!!
What do you think, 4.99 a pound?
Oh yeah? Well, I think unconscious DOES mean consent...
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curlywolf
quebec, Quebec Canada
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| | THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR
Posted: Jul 27, 2008, 9:47 AM MST |
Heehee - I could act out Hamlet with this thing...
I know you forgot the nacho dip, but don't you think that's going just a LITTLE too far?
OOOH...this is a GREAT opportunity to re-enact that scene from "Silence of the Lambs"...
Alright...today's surgery will be performed by an American doctor...
Smile! You're on candid camera!
You know, maybe this isn't the best time to celebrate April Fools Day...
Don't worry, ain't nothin' a little duct tape won't cure...
It's easy, just use the force, Luke... ... ... ... OH MY GOD!!!
I don't CARE if you've never been to med school...
Should we call Ripley's?
OK, I've got some good news, and some bad news. The good news is we named a new disease after him...
Hey Beavis...heh heh...check it out...BOING OING OING!!!!
Ok, before we begin this operation, let's start with an icebreaker. How about this list of 53 things you don't want to hear on the operating table?
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curlywolf
quebec, Quebec Canada
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| | THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR
Posted: Jul 27, 2008, 9:52 AM MST |
The Top 16 Things You Don't
Want to Hear on a First Date
"No salad for me, but I'll have a couple of those mega-burritos."
"You look so much better in person then you do on the company's hidden bathroom web-cam."
"Okay, here's the plan: After you get into the movie, open the fire door and bang! We save 8 bucks that we can use later on at Wendy's!"
"You think I look good NOW? Honey, I'll look even better when they finish the surgery!"
"I did *not* have sexual relations with that President, Mr. Clinton."
"Hey, wanna hear your name in Klingon?"
"It looks like you weren't able to cover up that zit with make up. Can I pop it for you?"
"I do, Mr. Multimillionaire."
"Sorry about the cell phone in the theater, but my wife could go into labor any minute now."
"Why don't you want to go to Hooters? What're you, a feminist or something?"
"My imaginary friend wants to know how you feel about threesomes."
"Don't worry about protection, silly -- I'm *already* pregnant."
"Mind getting on top? My nose is running."
"It seems like only yesterday that Satan welded my crotch shut."
"Heads up, Hon -- I *always* get lucky when I'm wearing my Hulk Underoos."
and the Number 1 Thing You Don't Want to Hear on a First Date...
"How strange -- you kiss just like your Dad!"
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10 Things You Don't Want To Hear In The Airport
10. "We have a lost child at gate D-4, the bidding will start at $20."
9. "I'm sorry madam, but we cannot allow you to bring your cat on board. We don't yet know the effects of high radiation on our feline friends. And we are required to check your bags."
8. "Yes sir, we are aware of the biohazard tag on your luggage and no, you don't want to know its origin. I recommend you refrain from opening your suitcase."
7. "Yes sir, importing Cuban cigars is illegal, that's why the security officer had to confiscate them. What? He's smoking them? Hey! You rat! Save some for me!"
6. "I'm sorry madam, but our insurance policy does not cover punctures in your bags caused by our checking attendants. No, it also does not cover airline crashes. It does cover explosions prior to takeoff, however, and is our most commonly purchased package."
5. "Attention all airline passengers, your flight has been delayed."
4. "For those who have never flown before or who have never heard about the concept of a flying machine: We are currently experiencing 'turbulence,' a common by-product of 'air travel.' Please refrain from screams of mortal danger until we've safely landed."
3. "Madam, please take your food now, the tongs are melting."
2. "We apologize for the delay. Due to extenuating circumstances, our pilot is experiencing difficulties with his sobriety level. Please allow sufficient time for him to have additional shots of tequila."
1. "This is your captain speaking, on the left you can now observe the majestic Mount Kilamanjar... oh, crap!"
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KHD100
Edmonton, Alberta Canada
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hollandgirl
Kelowna, British Columbia Canada
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